Feeling so depressed ...

I really can’t think of ways to save myself, I’m feeling so so hopeless and useless... These recent two years I keep having thoughts of regrets for all what I have now, full of regrets! Which makes me really so depressed, I just can’t stop thinking of the past and the present. Why do I being so naive and stupid to let someone take advantage of me when although we are really so loving and true to one another. I believe my Husband also feel stress and tired since the day I’ve gave birth to my elder Son, but we were used to be enjoy ourselves and we’re so happy. But after since I’ve delivered my second Son everything have change, a lot ... Which I can’t imagine what happened to me, since when I became more sensitive and depressed. I really can’t help myself from all the nonsense and shit that I’ve to face and settle for this home.

Year 2017, September is the worst nightmare that I’ve could not imagine, I found out that I was pregnant with my third child. Once my MIL knew about it and we both alone as my Husband went out for work, me and MIL brought the kids to the child care and then she speaks to me about abortion. The tone she speaks and the words she speaks to me I’ll never forget in my life. She did more than that to hurt me and mentally slowly killing me, my Husband and MIL herself told me that she’s just too straight forward. But I would like to say that she’s actually heartless and totally selfish.

I’ve always been respecting her and give in to her because she the elderly in the house and in another point she’s my Husband’s mum. There’s a lot of things and situation whereby I’ve totally no rights or unable to fight for myself, my kids and some time my Husband. She just being so unreasonable some times and mostly she have no logic and no brain to just speak out words that is totally hurtful and unacceptable.

Now it’s already year 2018, a brand new year but to me I feel that it’s the year when my war begins... My DD to deliver is on the Month of May, hopefully I’ll still be able to fight my life back when I have delivered ... I prepare for the worst!