SHINee is Back !!!

I’m really feeling so excited but at the same time  I think my heart could not take it too, as the boys are promoting as 4 members in future. I’m happy that they’re back and hope all the shawol and people around the world who love SHINee give them as much love and support as possible, I believe they will. 

I could not 100% say that I’m a shawol but I do really love them and since I was in secondary school, I remember that time the hit song was “REPLAY” and then RDD! I started to get more interested in them after the RDD so I get to see SHINee’s Hello Baby as well. Slowly my love and supports for them gain so fast haha! 

I have always catch up on their news, promotions and etc till after SHERLOCK album is released I’ve start to lose concentration on SHINee because I was getting married due to unplanned pregnancy. Everything just come in so sudden and slowly I didn’t get to be on social media often or even get to see TV that much, I was married over to live with my in laws. Some times I did scroll through Facebook for SHINee updates but not that often for their music, video and promotion. 

I wish to love them and supports them more but I’m unable to, it’s was a huge shocking news and so heart broken when JongHyun took his own life and leave this world. That’s the time when I feel that my life is full of regrets which I didn’t get to support them through social media, I adores them so much! I’ve also slowly started to get back tracks on SHINee since last year which I was pregnant with my third prince, till now I’m still feeling guilty and sad for not paying attention and supports them through these years, 

When people gets to have family either they have to concentrate on working or the family and the kids. It’s difficult to have their own time when actually we have kids at home, now I have a 5 YO, a 3 YO and a newborn. This coming Sunday is the baby full month which I’m free from confinement hahaha! But already starting to worry about financial... sighhhhh!

I just have to wait patiently for the dates to be here and I’m so looking forward to the music!!! Hope I’ll get to see photos and video of them for the new promotions and especially the fan meeting, omg~ I’m so jealous for those people who are able to meet them in real life and too bad I don’t know Korean well haha! 

사랑해요! 샤이니~ ❤️❤️❤️ 화이팅! 

(Above image are screenshots from SHINee Facebook page)

Nobody feel my pain ...

Today since afternoon I’ve been so emotional, I can’t tolerate the stress and sadness which nobody could feel how painful I am actually. Nobody knows how tired I am on the inside and outside which really makes me wanted to die, I just feel like tearing but I’ve got to hold it because my boys is at home. I really wanted to cry out loud but sometimes I’m really so tired that I’ve actually fall asleep before I could even cry... 

Most of the time when I do feel so not me I just keep scrolling through Instagram for SHINee’s videos and photos, but when I saw JongHyun I still feel so heart broken. I could really somehow knew the pain and the suffer he have went through. But I’m not totally 100% understood the feelings and experience, I also could not compare how much one another suffered. Everyone got their own feelings and experience but it’s just feel so sad and hopeless most of the time, only tears able to explain everything ... 

Most of the time I do feel of leaving this world, it’s just so tiring! So unfair and so cruel! But I’m not strong enough to end my life, I really wish I have the courage like JongHyun Oppa... it’s sad and pity for him to leave like this but the pain and the suffers he’s having, no words and comment. Hope that he’s really in a good place now and he’s not suffering anymore... my beautiful angel! I miss you!~ ❤️

Happy Mother’s Day! (2018)

Would like to wish all brave and wonderful beautiful mummies around the world a Happy Mother’s Day! May everyone stays healthier and happier than before, may all good luck and happiness comes to you all. 

This year Mother’s Day I’m on confinement, there’s no big feast for me hahaha!!! 

Wanted to thank my Husband for the token of his heart for getting me a flower this morning after he ended his work. Although 2 for $10 haha one for me and one for MIL, but I’m still thankful and appreciates everything he gave me and done for me & the family ❤️ 

Next month is our 5th year anniversary!!! Really hope that I could get something he wanted and some surprise for him too, also wish I got the time to make card for him which I used to do every year. This year we have a new member in the family and there’s more task to do and more responsibilities as well. Really hope we could stay strong! Stay good and well to have our family fill with more happiness :)

Wants to wish my hugest heart and wonderful mummy a Happy Mkther’s Day! May you stay healthier and happier than before~ love you mummy!!! I’m thankful and sorry for not able to do my job as a daughter to you, I should have listen to you or not I won’t ended up living like this. I make you disappointed, I’m not a good daughter but I still hope that you’re happy to see your grandkids at this senior age. I love you mummy~

Also I would like to wish myself a Happy Mother’s Day! Although I’m not a good mummy but I’m still so thankful to have my boys by my side when I’m down and alone, I’ve always thought of them for not letting myself to leave this world. Hope I’m still strong enough after delivered the third one but one thing I sure know is that my body is getting weaker than before. I’m unable to hold the stress and tired that I’m having right now, I’m feeling so much depressed than before. Just hope everything will be fine for me one day and bless my boys to have a beautiful future, wish they could be a good boys and have a good big heart as well. I’ll do my best~ ...

Happy Mother’s Day ! To all the mummies Around every corner of the world! 

Feeling so tired ..

Jong Hyun oopa~ I really wish that I have your courage and also brave enough like you to leave this world. This world is so unfair and torturing, I know... missing you a lot ❤️❤️❤️ 

(08.04.2018) 생일 축하합니다 ~ :)

Jonghyun ! Would like to wish you a happy birthday, really hope you’re doing fine and being happy on the other world. My beautiful angel, you’re always the best amazing artist in my heart. I really do miss you! 

종현오빠 생일 축하합니다! 너무 보고싶어 ~ 사랑해 ❤️ 

Happy Birthday! 生日快樂～ ❤️

Happy Birthday to the most generous and lovely Sister of mine! ❤️❤️❤️ 

Feel sorry that I’m unable to get you special gifts for your birthday this year, cause me and my boys sick so badly that we got to see doctor and rest at home. But thank god that we’re still manage to celebrates with you on time, although there’s nothing much of surprising. Hope you’ll like the roses and small gifts that I’ve got for you ...

Wishing you success in everything you do and may all the good lucks, happiness comes to you. May god bless you to be more healthier and happier than before! ❤️❤️❤️ ILY ~

So sorry for uploading the photos on FB! Cause you’re wearing boxes and you’ve mention that it looks so ugly. Haha! ❤️❤️❤️

Mum bought the birthday cake for Sister this year ... two flavours but I only taste the white fresh cream haha Sister mention that the chocolate fresh cream cake taste weird hahaha! 

It’s not ugly overall, don’t worry! Still so pretty especially taking photo with DD! Hahahaha! I love you la~ muack muack! ❤️❤️❤️ hope able to hang out soon ... 

Happy Birthday to you! Sister~ ^.^ 

生日快樂！～

생일축하 ~ ❤️

Hehe!

身為女人～

做女人最可悲的就是結婚的太早！而且又和男方家長一起住，然後又結婚生子。做女人真得很不公平，很痛苦! 為什麼男人總覺得伺候他父母是天經地義，為什麼顧小孩和做家務也都是理所當然的。有的時候還需要上班去！真的沒有道理！我的人生真的有太多太多後悔的事，都怪我自己太笨！太愚蠢！太不爭氣！太天真！簡直是一個白痴！我討厭自己，也很恨現在的自己！往往沒辦法為自己和孩子爭一口氣，討回自己一個公道。為什麼我一直都在受委屈，一直把我逼上絕路！

真的好累好累！。我也很想好好的休息，好想好好休息好長一段時間！讓我離開這些折磨，這些悲痛和殘酷。時間久了真的會讓一切沖淡，夫妻的感情上一大部分都是婆婆的關係，是可以選著離婚可是沒必要。我只覺得先生可以自己另外找個人來忍受婆婆的一切對待的批評，還有伺候她。

18/01/2018 It’s already a month ...

Wish that I’m daring enough to be like him to end his life from all the pain that he’s suffering ... But once gone is really gone... I’m not brave enough to be like him, it’s wasted and really sad to lose him at this young age. He don’t deserve all the shit, all the stress and tolerate all the pain ... everyone have their own life and their own depression!

“수고했어요 정말 고생했어요

辛苦了 真的辛苦了

그댄 나의 자랑이죠

你是我的驕傲”

- End of A Day : 종현 (Jong Hyun)

Please think for the others !

I’m so mad right ! Such an unreasonable old witch! Really hate her so much! The weather is so bad recently and these two days the sun is out and you expect me to head out just to  pay the CC bill for you??? Seriously! All the laundry I can do it myself I doesn’t need you to help, all the meals I also can cook for my Husband and my kids I don’t need you to do it for me. Just because I’m living under your fucking house, just because I’m living with you I have to tolerate all your bullshit. You didn’t even appreciate what I fucking did for you and this house when you all in bad situations. I also could go out to earn money and buy a flat just for me and my boys, I really doesn’t wanted to live under this fucking house of yours!

So what if it’s your house but I have to follow all your stupid idiot traditional rules or even tolerate your commands and comments! I’m not your servant, I’m your Son Wife! Your DIL! I’m someone else daughter as well! You bloody hell old witch! I can’t stop myself from hating you more and more! I could just fight back for myself and my boys or even my Husband! I don’t need you in my fucking life! Not even a second I fucking needs you! 

Another bad morning ...

Good morning ! It’s another day of bad weather and bad starts of the morning ... I just wish I can leave this place or even leave this fucking world of mine, can’t believe that I’ve got to tolerate all these shit that I don’t deserve ... even my Husband understands what’s going on and the situations that have to be solve but somehow she just have no brain to think. She just so selfish and think only for herself, she can’t think on the other side.

Just now I wanted to cook Korean Ramen (Instant noodle)  for my breakfast because I really don’t feel like eating the food from my house coffee shop. She comment in a tone just like telling me off, she said that I’m already pregnant but yet I keep eating instant noodle. On the starts when I’m having the third one she also comment that I’m pregnant but keep eating instant noodle, she comment that I should not eat so much instant noodle but eat more good and fresh food. 

I don’t understand! Really don’t understand! Why she got to order me so much when I’m already pregnant with the third one and think about financial I’m already rich enough to eat instant noodle. It’s not that I like to eat instant noodle! Most of the time I’ve got no cash and also would like to save up some money to buy diapers and mostly her groceries! That’s why I have to eat instant noodle, it’s not that good for health I fucking know and especially during pregnancy... but most of the time I’ve just got no choice but at least there’s food for me to settle a meal, at least! 

I have no idea what she’s thinking! She also don’t cook food that is specially for pregnant lady so why is she commenting so much? Every day dinner I’ve got to suffer and force myself to eat what she cooks and mostly it doesn’t suits my appetite. I wish to settle my own dinner most of the time or even get takeout food but I’m just afraid that she would thinks that I doesn’t want to eat what she cooks and give me some faces. I’ve encountered !

So currently I have not eaten my breakfast yet and later I still need to go for work ... what a good starts of the day! I’ve to take my insulin before my meal, thank god that I’ve yogurt drinks at home so for a time I won’t faint due to Low sugar. 

...

Once again the other me appear at this hour ... feeling damn hopeless and useless, feeling that my life is exactly worthless and pointless. I just wish I could sleep for a Long Long time just to leave everything behind and make myself feel so much better not to care a single thing. I’m really feeling so so tired, I’m really hopeless and I find myself really hopeless that I can’t fight for my rights in this house. Some times I wish I could take a sharp knife and cut so hard on my hand, just to make myself temporary feel better.

Nothing is worth in my life, I feel that I’m actually burdened to all the people who loves and concern about me. I pity my boys to live under this kind of environment and this kind of people. I have doubts and wondering why most of the time and I do have regrets too. Why am I the only one who have to tolerate and suffer all the shit from this house! 

I wish that I have a house of my own just me, my boys and my Husband !!! I really can’t wait for this day to come but even though I have a new house but in the end I still got to leave with that someone which ruin my marriage life. I have lots of hates towards her but I hesitated as well, I’ve always think that I’m the one who’s giving the problem not the others. 

I just wish to leave this place ... I’m so tired! Crying just a temporary release but in the end I’m just being someone who doesn’t really know the real me. I love my boys! I love my family and I love my Husband! But most of the time I’m just hopeless and useless ...

Feeling so depressed ...

I really can’t think of ways to save myself, I’m feeling so so hopeless and useless... These recent two years I keep having thoughts of regrets for all what I have now, full of regrets! Which makes me really so depressed, I just can’t stop thinking of the past and the present. Why do I being so naive and stupid to let someone take advantage of me when although we are really so loving and true to one another. I believe my Husband also feel stress and tired since the day I’ve gave birth to my elder Son, but we were used to be enjoy ourselves and we’re so happy. But after since I’ve delivered my second Son everything have change, a lot ... Which I can’t imagine what happened to me, since when I became more sensitive and depressed. I really can’t help myself from all the nonsense and shit that I’ve to face and settle for this home.

Year 2017, September is the worst nightmare that I’ve could not imagine, I found out that I was pregnant with my third child. Once my MIL knew about it and we both alone as my Husband went out for work, me and MIL brought the kids to the child care and then she speaks to me about abortion. The tone she speaks and the words she speaks to me I’ll never forget in my life. She did more than that to hurt me and mentally slowly killing me, my Husband and MIL herself told me that she’s just too straight forward. But I would like to say that she’s actually heartless and totally selfish.

I’ve always been respecting her and give in to her because she the elderly in the house and in another point she’s my Husband’s mum. There’s a lot of things and situation whereby I’ve totally no rights or unable to fight for myself, my kids and some time my Husband. She just being so unreasonable some times and mostly she have no logic and no brain to just speak out words that is totally hurtful and unacceptable.

Now it’s already year 2018, a brand new year but to me I feel that it’s the year when my war begins... My DD to deliver is on the Month of May, hopefully I’ll still be able to fight my life back when I have delivered ... I prepare for the worst! 

没办法…

我真的不知道我在这个屋子能够呆多久！很多事情我是可以自己做自己动手自己来的！我都可以自己亲自动手不需要有人来服侍我，我是感激不尽的不过往往会让我觉得是我需要别人来服侍我。我没让你做那么多事情这一切我自己都能干活，可是我就是没办法接受那些唠叨和批评！我们同样都是女人，更何况好多话都是你自己说的，一切都是你的说的算。我不是嫌弃也不是想埋冤只是每一个人都有自己的生活方式和习惯，况且孩子也是我自己的可是虽然都有血脉不过我有我自己的教育方法。每一次都说我是坏人也拿我来当挡箭牌，都会对你亲戚朋友说我不喜欢他们或谁谁谁的！

我可是你的媳妇！我也是有父母的，我也是别人家的女儿！

其实我活着很痛苦！

活得好累！没自由！没权利！没有安全感！💔💔💔 一切后悔都太迟了，这条路我应该说是我自己选的？还是天注定的？我真的好累！我也没理由去比较自己和其他人的情况有多糟，每个人都有自己的痛苦也无法理解为什么就是活得那么痛苦。一天过着一天都是一种煎难！我真的很认同钟铉Oppa的一句话，为什么要活着！？

Last day of year 2017

Love my boys so much! Spend my last day of 2017 at home with my boys and MIL ... I believe year 2018 is going to be a world war to me, I’ll never get s better life or a better living ... I deserve better but people around me are pushing me away from happiness! Peace and joy! ... 

Saturday, 30th December 2017

My family bought a cake randomly as my Father requested, he said that it’s his “birthday. I was confused in the first place but then I went to my mum and she told me that year 2017 is my Father’s 59 years old, so to get rid of all the bad lucks we have to get a cake and blow the candles. Blow away all the bad lucks and unlucky stuff around ... 

My brother ordered a cake through food panda from Emicakes store. It’s cost $55.80 for the cake I think, it’s 15cm and there’s a $3 charges for delivery ...

Got my boys to be involved haha! They love birthday celebration and especially blowing candles! My cuties~ I’ve got quite a few photos but only decided to upload these two photos.

Belated Christmas gift for Hubby! ❤️

Yesterday I met up my Sister to accompany me to Bugis tempter and pray for the appointment the next day, pray for good result and everything to be smooth for me. I also get Sister to help me and choose the design of belt that I wanted to get for hubby as a Christmas gift. 

After praying we went to Bugis market which is on top of the hawker center, went to get some dry goods before going off to get the gift. After getting my goods we went OG to look for belt and thank god that there is sales going on hahaha! 20% off for the belt I got for hubby! :)

Got hubby a bradFORD brand belt, me and Sister choose the design of the belt. I did measure the inch of Hubby’s belt before I went out to meet my Sister ... After buying the belt we went to take bus off to BoonKeng and took train, as Sister is heading for work and for me I went to Farrer Park. I went daiso to get gift ribbons and gifts bag haha! After that I went to get dinner for me, mil and the boys and then I went home after that ...

There’s left over Christmas gift wrappers so once I’ve got home I wrap up the gift. But only during the late night when everyone is asleep I paste the ribbon and sticker, also place inside the gift bag...

I also wrote a letter to hubby before I go for bed haha! I also message hubby that I place something on the dining table and it’s for him ... so he will be able saw it when he came home from work during the midnight :) Hopefully he likes the belt haha! And he wear it today and go for work ! 

P.S : Sorry for my broken English XD

Thank you for the Christmas Gifts !!

Actually I wanted to make a post before I go for bed yesterday night but I was too tired and just fall asleep haha! After Christmas I still get to receive Christmas gifts from friends, feel so blessed and thankful! Appreciated~ 

ChoonYen mummy got me mask haha! I gave her Christmas gift on the pass Saturday, bought her big box of Merci Chocolate and bought some Pony colouring stationary for her granddaughter as well ... although I don’t do mask XD but still wanted to thank her for the token of her heart.

Wanted to Thank Farida for the bag and toys for my boys, she’s a Friend of my Sister, she’s really a kind and lovely lady! So Glad to know her :) I got her some wafer biscuit and a Starbucks Christmas Mug...

A guy from my house downstairs a Salon sir, got me the above things and I don’t know why he got to give me this haha! I believe it’s a limited edition and unable to get it elsewhere... I’ve got him a Christmas gifts too and that’s why he got me in return of the gifts haha! It was so cool~ 

This year I finally get to receive a Christmas card from one of my Friend! MeiHui! She’s really a secret santa haha! Thank you babe~ I miss you a lot too! Muack muack~!

Merry Christmas! 聖誕節快樂～

Merry Christmas to everyone in the world! Some other countries are snowing at this holiday season but for Singapore it’s raining today ... The boys went for bed early today as I believe they used up their energy haha! Today I didn’t get to stay at home but I meet up my family to go for some walk at City Square Mall :) so Glad that I get to spend my Christmas with my family although it’s tiring but it’s worth to let my boys bond with my parent.

Took the photo of my boys unwrapping the Christmas gift which their father bought for them, Big J just keep wanting for Christmas present so in the end I gave it to them before their father wake up and give it to them ... bought toys for the boys actually hahaha!

Didn’t notice that Mummy ChoonYen would get Christ gifts for me and Sister ... because this year I bought her Merci big pack chocolate and some stationery stuff for her granddaughter. She also bought one share for Sister as my Sister gave her a blue penguin bag from daiso for Mummy ChoonYen. I’ll be giving the mask to my Sister cause I don’t do mask at all haha!

Would like to thank someone for getting Christmas gifts for me and boys as well! I love the bag because I seldom buy bags already or even to think of buying. I scare to waste money or even take home space haha! Farida thank you for your kindness I’ll remember your concern and love towards me and my boys ! 

I’m so tired and sleepy right now but before I end my post I just wanted to wish everyone in the world a very Merry Christmas! And a Happy New Year soon ~ haha!

聖誕節快樂！메리 크리스마스 ❤️ 

(2017) ^.^ Good Night...