...

Once again the other me appear at this hour ... feeling damn hopeless and useless, feeling that my life is exactly worthless and pointless. I just wish I could sleep for a Long Long time just to leave everything behind and make myself feel so much better not to care a single thing. I’m really feeling so so tired, I’m really hopeless and I find myself really hopeless that I can’t fight for my rights in this house. Some times I wish I could take a sharp knife and cut so hard on my hand, just to make myself temporary feel better.

Nothing is worth in my life, I feel that I’m actually burdened to all the people who loves and concern about me. I pity my boys to live under this kind of environment and this kind of people. I have doubts and wondering why most of the time and I do have regrets too. Why am I the only one who have to tolerate and suffer all the shit from this house! 

I wish that I have a house of my own just me, my boys and my Husband !!! I really can’t wait for this day to come but even though I have a new house but in the end I still got to leave with that someone which ruin my marriage life. I have lots of hates towards her but I hesitated as well, I’ve always think that I’m the one who’s giving the problem not the others. 

I just wish to leave this place ... I’m so tired! Crying just a temporary release but in the end I’m just being someone who doesn’t really know the real me. I love my boys! I love my family and I love my Husband! But most of the time I’m just hopeless and useless ...